i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize