Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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