I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
