dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I still have a little drunk in my system
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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