are you still at the devil's house?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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