he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize