He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
