Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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