Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize