Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
