You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
