At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize