So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
