hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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