I didn't shave. On purpose
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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