I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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