Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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