Someone shit on the floor
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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