did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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