Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
