It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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