I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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