yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize