I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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