Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
