I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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