Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize