Your mouth is God's brothel.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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