I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
