Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
