Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
