I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
