sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
