If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Are we still banned from the library?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
