Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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