dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
