Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
