She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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