I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
