She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize