I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
