I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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