I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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