his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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