I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
