I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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