I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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