We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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