if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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