Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
