I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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