If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
