"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
