It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
