Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
