Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
