its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
