Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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