i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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