We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
