yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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