The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
