what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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