Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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