The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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