You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
